Something new rises from the destruction,
This ideology remembers itself.
Even if it is speaking to no one anymore, it will find an audience.
Seeking retribution and denying any ill will, it grows.
The flower withstands the harsh winter.
Negativity seeds itself deep, laid into the seams.
Uprooted and forgotten, the only torn remains speak softly.
What they say is almost unintelligible.
But still sounds sound.
Now is the importance, and then was her moment.
There will be others because there must be.
New is different from what we knew.
Even now, there's something we always will know.
To deny thyself is to deny change.
Changing constantly and still finding its faults.
Who I am and what I will, will be what I am to become.
Nothing can repress it.
That is what I've always been. Afraid of change.
Consistency is key.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Once
A shadow that needs its freedom
Is no less deserving than the lonely cloud no one sees.
Floating by and watching the world disappear,
That is what bleeds into the pages.
The small gust that pushes the trees longs for more.
All of our troubles crave importance, but for one moment this cloud lingers.
Wind passes through and the sound it makes no one can hear.
Just once, it wants to hear its own voice.
We are so lucky.
Perhaps.
The cloud can leave.
Perhaps we are not so lucky.
The loneliness found in the night sky is mine alone,
And so the sky becomes clear.
Just once I want a different dream.
But like the shadow, I am here.
And she is so very dear.
Is no less deserving than the lonely cloud no one sees.
Floating by and watching the world disappear,
That is what bleeds into the pages.
The small gust that pushes the trees longs for more.
All of our troubles crave importance, but for one moment this cloud lingers.
Wind passes through and the sound it makes no one can hear.
Just once, it wants to hear its own voice.
We are so lucky.
Perhaps.
The cloud can leave.
Perhaps we are not so lucky.
The loneliness found in the night sky is mine alone,
And so the sky becomes clear.
Just once I want a different dream.
But like the shadow, I am here.
And she is so very dear.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Unsound Memory
Even if this is something you will never come to find,
Then at least someone will know it was on my mind.
The lasting thought of you and me,
Will forever be an unsound memory.
Then at least someone will know it was on my mind.
The lasting thought of you and me,
Will forever be an unsound memory.
Rising Sun
It's been too long since we've spoken.
I feel like I'm trying to fix something that is forever, broken.
But before I admit defeat and start my early retreat, I'll share with you this thought:
Is that all that you remember, or have you forgot?
Do you not care at all?
Or to you, was it really that small?
It seems to me that it remains in the entrails of your being.
It has been resting, it has been seething.
Do not let it fester, it is not an existence of hate.
It is not something so cliche as fate.
You had become a part of me, and unto you, you were all I could see.
The time I've spent was something that others have came and went;
For I have remained true to you and stay, in that respect, the same.
All that we have found together:
None of it will ever weather.
The things we found true about us,
Will remain strong regardless;
Never will those bonds break or weaken,
Others have the idea, but the truth is beneath them.
Only you and I have seen what love can be,
And as the sun rises above the sea,
It lifts over all, and finds it's place near her.
It rests near the farther side of the sea it finds so dear;
For any wave could entice him
And this device would hypnotize any other eyes,
But not in this once peculiar instance;
He seeks one specific audience.
The sun dances and anticipates the moment before he and his love can nest.
As the day grows long, he comes closer to her for a much needed rest.
The rising sun has come and gone, and while the day lasted long,
He need not fear, for he'd find where he would truly belong.
Near his love,
The sea he played with close above.
And as the sun finds the gentle touch of the sea,
I remain alone, with only a simple memory.
Your face is the only thought that remains,
And I would never say that you are to blame.
I simply alone feel the sorrow and the shame.
I only hope you never will have to feel the same.
But as the sun has completely lost itself beneath the cover of the ocean,
Then I too will stroll away with my sense of devotion.
You don't need me, and you are happier, anyone could see.
Now as the light has left me, and as I feel truly empty,
I wish you all the best, and as I look up to the dark sky, I digress;
To gaze at the endless stars I imagine a world very, very far.
Then something catches my eye,
A shimmering star, alone flies high.
Maybe it is because the star is truly alone in the sky,
That people feel it's something lucky to catch flying by.
But like the star, I too know what it's like to be alone.
And still together, we both know what we have always known.
As I make my way back to my coaxing home,
Like the star, I've always shone.
I feel like I'm trying to fix something that is forever, broken.
But before I admit defeat and start my early retreat, I'll share with you this thought:
Is that all that you remember, or have you forgot?
Do you not care at all?
Or to you, was it really that small?
It seems to me that it remains in the entrails of your being.
It has been resting, it has been seething.
Do not let it fester, it is not an existence of hate.
It is not something so cliche as fate.
You had become a part of me, and unto you, you were all I could see.
The time I've spent was something that others have came and went;
For I have remained true to you and stay, in that respect, the same.
All that we have found together:
None of it will ever weather.
The things we found true about us,
Will remain strong regardless;
Never will those bonds break or weaken,
Others have the idea, but the truth is beneath them.
Only you and I have seen what love can be,
And as the sun rises above the sea,
It lifts over all, and finds it's place near her.
It rests near the farther side of the sea it finds so dear;
For any wave could entice him
And this device would hypnotize any other eyes,
But not in this once peculiar instance;
He seeks one specific audience.
The sun dances and anticipates the moment before he and his love can nest.
As the day grows long, he comes closer to her for a much needed rest.
The rising sun has come and gone, and while the day lasted long,
He need not fear, for he'd find where he would truly belong.
Near his love,
The sea he played with close above.
And as the sun finds the gentle touch of the sea,
I remain alone, with only a simple memory.
Your face is the only thought that remains,
And I would never say that you are to blame.
I simply alone feel the sorrow and the shame.
I only hope you never will have to feel the same.
But as the sun has completely lost itself beneath the cover of the ocean,
Then I too will stroll away with my sense of devotion.
You don't need me, and you are happier, anyone could see.
Now as the light has left me, and as I feel truly empty,
I wish you all the best, and as I look up to the dark sky, I digress;
To gaze at the endless stars I imagine a world very, very far.
Then something catches my eye,
A shimmering star, alone flies high.
Maybe it is because the star is truly alone in the sky,
That people feel it's something lucky to catch flying by.
But like the star, I too know what it's like to be alone.
And still together, we both know what we have always known.
As I make my way back to my coaxing home,
Like the star, I've always shone.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Falling Man
I long hunger and resent the notion of rest.
I am restless.
I am full of hate.
The emptiness is evident when there's no one around.
The pain is the only company I keep, and the only narcissistic thought I keep is that I alone know this feeling.
This specific pain with a name.
She only matters when she is remembered.
And I wish I would remember to forget her.
I wish I could.
I know I should.
There isn't a reason, just what memory serves.
I am restless.
I am full of hate.
The emptiness is evident when there's no one around.
The pain is the only company I keep, and the only narcissistic thought I keep is that I alone know this feeling.
This specific pain with a name.
She only matters when she is remembered.
And I wish I would remember to forget her.
I wish I could.
I know I should.
There isn't a reason, just what memory serves.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Changes
So I've decided that it is time for some real substantial change.
I'm quitting cigarettes starting right now. I haven't had one all day and I feel good.
Two more days and I should be over the craving stages. They say once you get past the three-day hump, it gets easier. I guess we'll see about that.
I went to work today at Anthony's with a better attitude. I tried to share it with Derek.
He just sort of joked about it. Well I'm serious dammit. I joined a gym yesterday with Johann and Karl.
Going to go every day to every other day with them and seriously commit to a good work-out regiment. It feels good to be active and smoking cigarettes hurts my physical capabilities.
That brings me to another note: I want to quit drinking again.
Not totally altogether, but definitely slow it down. I drink every night, even if it is a little, I do.
That's not helpful.
Alcohol is still a depressant and I have to admit, it charms me into the wrong light.
I'm left there when I wake up in the morning, and it's a world full of wishes and half-thought motives.
Well I'm tired of that, and I'm tired of being tired.
It's time I stopped making excuses. I'm not saying that this one moment is going to change my whole life, but I have to start somewhere. The only way that I can be happy and successful is if I work and try so that's what I'm going to do.
Drinking was a form of self-gratification. I was supplying myself with happiness momentarily and numbing my world of problems, but the fact of the matter is that not everything is as it should be and it's not going to get there by itself.
I have to change it.
So I'll start with myself.
I only told Derek about this, and I'm not going to tell anyone else until it's actually reached fruition.
This is going to save me money and generally make me feel better.
Feels good to know I don't have to worry about this any longer.
I'm not going to buy alcohol anymore.
I will only drink if it is for a special occasion, otherwise I won't look for a reason to drink.
I'm ok with that.
Don't need it. I can find happiness elsewhere, not at the bottom of the bottle.
I'm quitting cigarettes starting right now. I haven't had one all day and I feel good.
Two more days and I should be over the craving stages. They say once you get past the three-day hump, it gets easier. I guess we'll see about that.
I went to work today at Anthony's with a better attitude. I tried to share it with Derek.
He just sort of joked about it. Well I'm serious dammit. I joined a gym yesterday with Johann and Karl.
Going to go every day to every other day with them and seriously commit to a good work-out regiment. It feels good to be active and smoking cigarettes hurts my physical capabilities.
That brings me to another note: I want to quit drinking again.
Not totally altogether, but definitely slow it down. I drink every night, even if it is a little, I do.
That's not helpful.
Alcohol is still a depressant and I have to admit, it charms me into the wrong light.
I'm left there when I wake up in the morning, and it's a world full of wishes and half-thought motives.
Well I'm tired of that, and I'm tired of being tired.
It's time I stopped making excuses. I'm not saying that this one moment is going to change my whole life, but I have to start somewhere. The only way that I can be happy and successful is if I work and try so that's what I'm going to do.
Drinking was a form of self-gratification. I was supplying myself with happiness momentarily and numbing my world of problems, but the fact of the matter is that not everything is as it should be and it's not going to get there by itself.
I have to change it.
So I'll start with myself.
I only told Derek about this, and I'm not going to tell anyone else until it's actually reached fruition.
This is going to save me money and generally make me feel better.
Feels good to know I don't have to worry about this any longer.
I'm not going to buy alcohol anymore.
I will only drink if it is for a special occasion, otherwise I won't look for a reason to drink.
I'm ok with that.
Don't need it. I can find happiness elsewhere, not at the bottom of the bottle.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Derek's 21st
It's six in the morning and I'm still awake and drinking.
I think I'm done for now though, I just finished writing the last three poems, and before that I re-posted all of my older poems. Well not all of them, but some of the ones I posted onto tumblr and such. I haven't posted my way older stuff. Maybe some other time.
Before I go, I think I'll document what happened at Derek's 21st birthday night. It wasn't technically still his birthday since his birthday was on a Tuesday, April 2, and we went out on the 4th, which was last Thursday. It's technically Sunday now.
Anyway, he calls me at my house while Nichole, Nick, Bobby, and Chris are over. They're playing video games in my room while I'm showering. They didn't have anywhere else to go and I decided to let them figure out the rest of their night since I didn't exactly tell them when I was leaving and it seemed pretty abrupt.
Regardless, when I went to leave I had to ask them to go too.
Derek called me as I left and asked me to get his shoes from his house. His mom said I was a good friend, "the nicest guy." And I just said, "If I'm the nicest guy, then the world is out of luck." I looked at Jessica as I said it walking out the door.
I get to Amanda's with Derek greeting me in the parking lot, dressed up in a button-down shirt and his hair faux-hawk'ed to all high hell.
I gave him his shoes, and his wife-beater, that I forgot to mention because he last second asked for when I was at his house and wondered if he needed anything else.
ANYWAY, Gabe, Kelsey, Amanda, Derek, and I head out.
We first go to Las Olas, and more specifically, the Dubliner.
I feel like the oddball out. They're all dolled up and I'm wearing just some skinny jeans with a shirt and my red jacket. Whatever.
We go in and sit at the bar. The band consisted of 4 thirty something year olds wearing Ed Hardy shirts that looked like they'd been battered by a washer. They first were messing around onstage with some young looking girls that were posing for cameras and shit. Derek said, "If he puts the camera down for a second, it's yours." I just laughed and ordered myself a Yeungling.
They first played Counting Crows, and I was like, "They're not a bad band, they're just a cover band."
Which was true, but then they made a serious mistake and I completely regret feeling that way.
The decided to play Radiohead, and of course, they covered Creep.
Jesus Christ.
I'm really just hoping he can hit the same notes as Thom so clearly blessed us with.
And of course he couldn't. It was difficult to withstand and I just kept drinking my drink.
We left shortly thereafter and I kept feeling left out. I didn't mind so much, because I'd rather have been left out of that group then be included.
I was there for Derek, I know he knows that.
Kelsey was just cute, and that's it. Her personality it seemed was coming before me throughout the night. Eugh.
Not really a big deal, she was just a cute girl at work anyway.
We start going to Scarlet's now, and Amanda calls a guy named Carlos that works there.
She knows him, but I didn't ask how. We needed to be on the list to get into the club. I guess a strip club is still technically a club. I'd never been, but once we got in, it seemed to be pretty lavish for such a sleazy purpose.
Our waitress(?) gave us the list of bottles and Amanda chose the Belvedere Vodka (200!!) and the girls were right there, naked.
I didn't even care, honestly. I felt bad.
These women were just in dire need and had nothing but their bodies to sell for some sort of financial support.
I understood that they didn't have to be there, but they were there. I just didn't know how I got there.
And then I looked at Derek, and he was enjoying himself. The purple environment lit up as the lights bounced and flashed along with the blasting electronic music, which was on par with the times, but that's not saying much. I just wish they had a better selection other than dubstep infused club mixes.
I kept drinking and hinted at Kelsey things here and there, but I realized she didn't give a shit and I stopped trying to be friendly. Yup. Gabe saw that the seats right in front of us at the main stage opened up and Gabe and Derek moved up first. I stayed behind with Amanda and Kelsey until Amanda moved up next to Derek. And finally Kelsey left too, so I refilled my drink (I was paying a fourth so goddammit I was going to drink a fourth) and sat with Derek to my right and Kelsey to my left. Derek got a few bills on his face taken by some strippers as they came up to his face and pushed it into their tits. It was just forced to me. I kept drinking. Derek insisted I take some money and give it to them and I just put it away. I kept going to the bathroom to get away from it all.
So I went to the bathroom again because fuck it, I'm drinking man.
As I leave the restroom, a dancer grabs my arm and goes, "Where you going?" and she had to grab my arm right where I had just recently gotten a giant cut from longboarding, so I pull away quickly and just say, OW, and she looked at my confused and thinking I'm crazy, but then looks at my crusty yellow band-aids on my arm where she just pulled me, and now began to look more disgusted than anything else. I get back to where we're sitting and Derek tells me he's going to do something that's going to make me very uncomfortable. I say, NO Please Derek, don't. Come on. And he calls the dancer over to me, hands her money and points at me saying it's for me. I just look at her and say, I'm sorry I'm really gay. Really. I love the cock. I LOVE PENIS. Before I know it she's rubbing her vile breast atop my forehead and I'm just clenching my firsts and shutting my eyes while uttering sarcastically at how much fun I'm having and how great that was. I then look at Derek as the dancer is now gone and retreated to her pole, and I say to him, "I need to go home and take a shower, her fucking tit touched my hair and head. I feel disgusting man." He just laughed.
We kept drinking until Derek eventually picked a girl from this line up the club has where all the dancers do a long trek from the dressing room to the bottom floor and you "Pick a girl." Gabe got one for Derek, and Amanda ok'd it. The dancer took Derek away and when he came back we kept drinking. Eventually Sam showed up with another girl and some guy that was extremely familiar with Amanda. Derek then threw up in the bathroom and Kelsey was really drunk. So we left. Derek took forever to leave since he wanted to hug Sam. Heh. I knew it before he told me. I helped him walk to the car, which Gabe was driving since he only drank a few beers. I was being a smart-ass in the car with Amanda as she helped Derek throw up into a small cup holder that you could take out and physically hold. Kelsey just sort of leaned too far forward in the front seat and just stayed there for most of the ride. I apologized to Amanda for being a smart-ass, I just had suggested a bag while she held a small cup holder. It worked, so I guess she knew what she was doing? Hmm. Anyways, when we got to the house, Gabe and I kept drinking. Vodka. I had a third of a cup with the rest filled to the brim with chaser. Two of those. I saw Derek in Amanda's bed in his boxers and informed him his balls were showing. He just laughed and asked if I liked it. I told him I was happy he had a great time. I was. I felt like texting people I hadn't seen in a while since Rachel texted me. That was nice of her. I texted Jessica and she immediately texted back, so I called her and eventually I discussed with her the details of me driving to her house. Gabe saw me get up, handed me a water bottle, and wished me luck. I just blasted Flaming Lips as I drunkenly drove home. (Stupid. I never do that). I wasn't about to sleep on a small couch in an apartment like that, so I got the fuck out, even though I should've sobered up. Ah well. I got to Jessica's (Derek's) and we talked and eventually I convinced her to talk in her bed. We did talk and it was nice but she told me she had to wake up soon so I left and blacked out from then on. I barely remember getting home. And yeah, the next day at work I was extremely slow but everyone kept asking if I went to Scarlet's.
I just shook my head and walked off.
I think I'm done for now though, I just finished writing the last three poems, and before that I re-posted all of my older poems. Well not all of them, but some of the ones I posted onto tumblr and such. I haven't posted my way older stuff. Maybe some other time.
Before I go, I think I'll document what happened at Derek's 21st birthday night. It wasn't technically still his birthday since his birthday was on a Tuesday, April 2, and we went out on the 4th, which was last Thursday. It's technically Sunday now.
Anyway, he calls me at my house while Nichole, Nick, Bobby, and Chris are over. They're playing video games in my room while I'm showering. They didn't have anywhere else to go and I decided to let them figure out the rest of their night since I didn't exactly tell them when I was leaving and it seemed pretty abrupt.
Regardless, when I went to leave I had to ask them to go too.
Derek called me as I left and asked me to get his shoes from his house. His mom said I was a good friend, "the nicest guy." And I just said, "If I'm the nicest guy, then the world is out of luck." I looked at Jessica as I said it walking out the door.
I get to Amanda's with Derek greeting me in the parking lot, dressed up in a button-down shirt and his hair faux-hawk'ed to all high hell.
I gave him his shoes, and his wife-beater, that I forgot to mention because he last second asked for when I was at his house and wondered if he needed anything else.
ANYWAY, Gabe, Kelsey, Amanda, Derek, and I head out.
We first go to Las Olas, and more specifically, the Dubliner.
I feel like the oddball out. They're all dolled up and I'm wearing just some skinny jeans with a shirt and my red jacket. Whatever.
We go in and sit at the bar. The band consisted of 4 thirty something year olds wearing Ed Hardy shirts that looked like they'd been battered by a washer. They first were messing around onstage with some young looking girls that were posing for cameras and shit. Derek said, "If he puts the camera down for a second, it's yours." I just laughed and ordered myself a Yeungling.
They first played Counting Crows, and I was like, "They're not a bad band, they're just a cover band."
Which was true, but then they made a serious mistake and I completely regret feeling that way.
The decided to play Radiohead, and of course, they covered Creep.
Jesus Christ.
I'm really just hoping he can hit the same notes as Thom so clearly blessed us with.
And of course he couldn't. It was difficult to withstand and I just kept drinking my drink.
We left shortly thereafter and I kept feeling left out. I didn't mind so much, because I'd rather have been left out of that group then be included.
I was there for Derek, I know he knows that.
Kelsey was just cute, and that's it. Her personality it seemed was coming before me throughout the night. Eugh.
Not really a big deal, she was just a cute girl at work anyway.
We start going to Scarlet's now, and Amanda calls a guy named Carlos that works there.
She knows him, but I didn't ask how. We needed to be on the list to get into the club. I guess a strip club is still technically a club. I'd never been, but once we got in, it seemed to be pretty lavish for such a sleazy purpose.
Our waitress(?) gave us the list of bottles and Amanda chose the Belvedere Vodka (200!!) and the girls were right there, naked.
I didn't even care, honestly. I felt bad.
These women were just in dire need and had nothing but their bodies to sell for some sort of financial support.
I understood that they didn't have to be there, but they were there. I just didn't know how I got there.
And then I looked at Derek, and he was enjoying himself. The purple environment lit up as the lights bounced and flashed along with the blasting electronic music, which was on par with the times, but that's not saying much. I just wish they had a better selection other than dubstep infused club mixes.
I kept drinking and hinted at Kelsey things here and there, but I realized she didn't give a shit and I stopped trying to be friendly. Yup. Gabe saw that the seats right in front of us at the main stage opened up and Gabe and Derek moved up first. I stayed behind with Amanda and Kelsey until Amanda moved up next to Derek. And finally Kelsey left too, so I refilled my drink (I was paying a fourth so goddammit I was going to drink a fourth) and sat with Derek to my right and Kelsey to my left. Derek got a few bills on his face taken by some strippers as they came up to his face and pushed it into their tits. It was just forced to me. I kept drinking. Derek insisted I take some money and give it to them and I just put it away. I kept going to the bathroom to get away from it all.
So I went to the bathroom again because fuck it, I'm drinking man.
As I leave the restroom, a dancer grabs my arm and goes, "Where you going?" and she had to grab my arm right where I had just recently gotten a giant cut from longboarding, so I pull away quickly and just say, OW, and she looked at my confused and thinking I'm crazy, but then looks at my crusty yellow band-aids on my arm where she just pulled me, and now began to look more disgusted than anything else. I get back to where we're sitting and Derek tells me he's going to do something that's going to make me very uncomfortable. I say, NO Please Derek, don't. Come on. And he calls the dancer over to me, hands her money and points at me saying it's for me. I just look at her and say, I'm sorry I'm really gay. Really. I love the cock. I LOVE PENIS. Before I know it she's rubbing her vile breast atop my forehead and I'm just clenching my firsts and shutting my eyes while uttering sarcastically at how much fun I'm having and how great that was. I then look at Derek as the dancer is now gone and retreated to her pole, and I say to him, "I need to go home and take a shower, her fucking tit touched my hair and head. I feel disgusting man." He just laughed.
We kept drinking until Derek eventually picked a girl from this line up the club has where all the dancers do a long trek from the dressing room to the bottom floor and you "Pick a girl." Gabe got one for Derek, and Amanda ok'd it. The dancer took Derek away and when he came back we kept drinking. Eventually Sam showed up with another girl and some guy that was extremely familiar with Amanda. Derek then threw up in the bathroom and Kelsey was really drunk. So we left. Derek took forever to leave since he wanted to hug Sam. Heh. I knew it before he told me. I helped him walk to the car, which Gabe was driving since he only drank a few beers. I was being a smart-ass in the car with Amanda as she helped Derek throw up into a small cup holder that you could take out and physically hold. Kelsey just sort of leaned too far forward in the front seat and just stayed there for most of the ride. I apologized to Amanda for being a smart-ass, I just had suggested a bag while she held a small cup holder. It worked, so I guess she knew what she was doing? Hmm. Anyways, when we got to the house, Gabe and I kept drinking. Vodka. I had a third of a cup with the rest filled to the brim with chaser. Two of those. I saw Derek in Amanda's bed in his boxers and informed him his balls were showing. He just laughed and asked if I liked it. I told him I was happy he had a great time. I was. I felt like texting people I hadn't seen in a while since Rachel texted me. That was nice of her. I texted Jessica and she immediately texted back, so I called her and eventually I discussed with her the details of me driving to her house. Gabe saw me get up, handed me a water bottle, and wished me luck. I just blasted Flaming Lips as I drunkenly drove home. (Stupid. I never do that). I wasn't about to sleep on a small couch in an apartment like that, so I got the fuck out, even though I should've sobered up. Ah well. I got to Jessica's (Derek's) and we talked and eventually I convinced her to talk in her bed. We did talk and it was nice but she told me she had to wake up soon so I left and blacked out from then on. I barely remember getting home. And yeah, the next day at work I was extremely slow but everyone kept asking if I went to Scarlet's.
I just shook my head and walked off.
Blue Stain
Endlessly, we remain here.
Then.
It will always re-occur, the same as now.
Then.
The trick is to know when to look.
There.
Time is a window that we all look through, but the world we see is a painting and not so clear.
We can only wait for the paint to drip and fall.
Splash with vibrant ease and express detail in great volume.
The image has moved and we measure it by seconds.
Addition is a tool to tally up the moments we survive and it creates a new system of time.
The minutes too become older and wiser, and the hour knows it will soon become a day.
Before long the year has graduated into a decade, and it hasn't a chance to linger any longer, for it's become a century.
It is all happening, but only because of our understanding. The universe is ever lasting and always moving and all we can do is write down the moments that the picture changes before we forget how it once looked, so that our successors will have a better idea of how to paint without fear.
The brush in our hands are as strong as the iris in our eyes and we seek the same colors we long to paint in the sky with the clear reflection coming clear across our eyes.
The painting drips a blue streak off the canvas and onto the ground forever stained, as the world turns and spins a pale blue spot in a black sky. All the blotches and sparks in the universe seen from far away resemble the same painting: a once-empty canvas, now soaked with black into its fibers.
The spots and sparks mercilessly scattered throughout the cosmos litter the image while the pale blue sphere begins to drip a streak off of the canvas and onto the ground, forever stained. We only view it for a moment, but the spot still remains.
Then.
It will always re-occur, the same as now.
Then.
The trick is to know when to look.
There.
Time is a window that we all look through, but the world we see is a painting and not so clear.
We can only wait for the paint to drip and fall.
Splash with vibrant ease and express detail in great volume.
The image has moved and we measure it by seconds.
Addition is a tool to tally up the moments we survive and it creates a new system of time.
The minutes too become older and wiser, and the hour knows it will soon become a day.
Before long the year has graduated into a decade, and it hasn't a chance to linger any longer, for it's become a century.
It is all happening, but only because of our understanding. The universe is ever lasting and always moving and all we can do is write down the moments that the picture changes before we forget how it once looked, so that our successors will have a better idea of how to paint without fear.
The brush in our hands are as strong as the iris in our eyes and we seek the same colors we long to paint in the sky with the clear reflection coming clear across our eyes.
The painting drips a blue streak off the canvas and onto the ground forever stained, as the world turns and spins a pale blue spot in a black sky. All the blotches and sparks in the universe seen from far away resemble the same painting: a once-empty canvas, now soaked with black into its fibers.
The spots and sparks mercilessly scattered throughout the cosmos litter the image while the pale blue sphere begins to drip a streak off of the canvas and onto the ground, forever stained. We only view it for a moment, but the spot still remains.
Siciliano
Lush horns decorate the decadent halls.
They all lead to the same room: spacious and caring.
Sensitivity is the innocence that adults can understand.
With it, this sound can be understood without regards to age.
Tribulations seem devoid of all power and the only remaining feeling is once known long ago.
Not all that is small is unimportant and not everything in the future is bright,
But the key is to lock yourself away from it all.
The flame sparks brightest under the worst of conditions.
Stars that shone long ago are the same stars that catch your eyes at night.
You are as old as they and they stare at you the same way.
Alone and without prior engagement, you are pure.
The sporadic nature of the universe is unforgiving, and thus you can claim its grace by chance.
It does not condone any specific behavior, and cannot define how we interpret beauty.
And yet coincidence finds the sun and the moon to dance in the sky at night.
We are the formation of all that is and we find it fascinating.
Curious that we should be so intrigued. We are what we sow to be.
They all lead to the same room: spacious and caring.
Sensitivity is the innocence that adults can understand.
With it, this sound can be understood without regards to age.
Tribulations seem devoid of all power and the only remaining feeling is once known long ago.
Not all that is small is unimportant and not everything in the future is bright,
But the key is to lock yourself away from it all.
The flame sparks brightest under the worst of conditions.
Stars that shone long ago are the same stars that catch your eyes at night.
You are as old as they and they stare at you the same way.
Alone and without prior engagement, you are pure.
The sporadic nature of the universe is unforgiving, and thus you can claim its grace by chance.
It does not condone any specific behavior, and cannot define how we interpret beauty.
And yet coincidence finds the sun and the moon to dance in the sky at night.
We are the formation of all that is and we find it fascinating.
Curious that we should be so intrigued. We are what we sow to be.
The Space Between Two Worlds
Some things you’ll never see.
All the things you wanted to do today are already forgotten because tomorrow is here.
New things to want, and new things to do.
But today is already forgotten and tomorrow is already here.
A fleeting thought amidst the chaotic spree.
You are the only one to bare witness.
The only one who can really see.
But you don’t remember why it’s there, and you don’t know what to do.
The concept is kept alive but no one can hear it plea.
A dream isn’t as unforgiving, but neither is as memorable either.
What I know and what they can see is as unknown to anyone other than me. We never seem to find the time and when we do it’s for another ambition.
We only borrow the momentum for our limited transmissions.
Select your vice and enjoy the rain.
Ease the familiarity of nostalgia; an old friend that longs to remind you.
A flip in the air, lost between the travels and twirls.
Never ending the journey in the space between two worlds.
Now
Only thing I can do now is live with it, and never let it happen again.
I can do that for her.
I have to.
But more importantly, I want to.
Want her to be happy.
Concealed Venture
The reflection it brings helps the realization that the water’s not as clear as it appears. Today was yesterday and tomorrow is already here.
It was.
Only then, am I.
Aqueous passage through this realm flows like time in only a way that a human could fathom.
Forever can be compared to that moment I stand on the edge of the water, watching and waiting for the others to jump. Suppressing that instance can be veiled near the infinite nature of the cosmos. The electricity of endless emotions rushing through my mind, enticing the rest of my vessel in it’s own excitement of this submerged journey to come. The accepting water has always enveloped me, only now I come to understand it. I stare at the chaos above. Water meets the sky, eventually; the mind recognizes time, subsequently. Counting the seconds before the inevitable emergence, I hesitate.
Suddenly time stops because I chose it to. I refuse the will for oxygen to propel my concealed venture further. For just a moment, I can’t decide where space ends and how soon the water begins. Realizing myself, I deny the position of spectator. I manipulate time to remind me of what is certain: I am alive.
The reflection it brings helps the realization that time’s not as clear as it appears. The water was there yesterday and the sky is already here.
It was.
Only now, I am.
flammes sans fin
How easily it is to forget and how hard we struggle to remember moments we deem worthy. I envy the man who can recall the scorched night he fought hell, and chooses to forget the spark of why.
I know how.
The why is fleeting.
F
a
l
l
i
n
g.
Making amends with the inevitable end, the ground reaches closer still. Knowing now how I find myself here, I truly understand the journey of a forgotten idea. Lifted in through the bay of bliss reminiscence, the idea floats like a feather that is aware the sky ends somewhere. The gas flows freely and welcomes itself into every single alcove of the sidewalk, and every crack in the concrete tells a story, but the flint has run out.
The spark of it all has humiliated itself. Without genuine retribution, the flames can never light again. Its sole purpose denied; a memory that remembers to forget.
But it can’t remember why.
Fires with no end have no beginning: Flammes sans fin, the flames that can never die.
the narrator
(Excerpt from the script I am currently working on.)
**Edit- Alot of this has changed from my current script. I might post bits later on. I'm not sure yet. Probably talking to myself. Whatever.
Well, since I've never done this before, I guess I'll start off by telling you that you're probably wasting your time.
Original, right, the closet narcissist telling everyone that he's not special.
Fuck all that. I'm serious, if you don't care I don't blame you. But that's just the reality.
I'm just like anyone else and probably even less original to boot. But my over analytical skepticism (mouthful) is to blame for this prologue.
I can't stop thinking.
I think about everything. It's jaded. I do things and the way I live my life is to try and work for something better. I keep noticing however there are things I decide to do, and do them often, to silence my mind. I'm hoping I keep moving forward. I tell myself I do. I'm not so sure sometimes.
I like to drink.
I didn't drink for a whole year. From the first day of 2012 till my 21st birthday in January I hadn't drank anything at all. I wasn't even tempted. But since then it seems I keep finding myself here, not exactly here on this blog since this is technically my first post, but on my laptop listening to music alone and exploding with this urgency to jot down all of my thoughts and feelings.
This is a long time coming I suppose.
I guess I'll just post my older poems up on here before posting anything else.
Original, right, the closet narcissist telling everyone that he's not special.
Fuck all that. I'm serious, if you don't care I don't blame you. But that's just the reality.
I'm just like anyone else and probably even less original to boot. But my over analytical skepticism (mouthful) is to blame for this prologue.
I can't stop thinking.
I think about everything. It's jaded. I do things and the way I live my life is to try and work for something better. I keep noticing however there are things I decide to do, and do them often, to silence my mind. I'm hoping I keep moving forward. I tell myself I do. I'm not so sure sometimes.
I like to drink.
I didn't drink for a whole year. From the first day of 2012 till my 21st birthday in January I hadn't drank anything at all. I wasn't even tempted. But since then it seems I keep finding myself here, not exactly here on this blog since this is technically my first post, but on my laptop listening to music alone and exploding with this urgency to jot down all of my thoughts and feelings.
This is a long time coming I suppose.
I guess I'll just post my older poems up on here before posting anything else.
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